Ya... hard to imagine right?
Taylor Knuth can only do so much.
I had a giant wake up call for me this past weekend. As you can tell it is that; "the once invincible, Taylor Knuth is NOT all he's cracked up to be!" I came home the other night very upset. I was upset at a situation that is completely out of my control. This situation had me questioning my beliefs, principles, and even who I am. It was a legitimate worry but at the same time something that my current state of being can not understand, and will not understand for a long time. I tried to hide the tears from my mom and family but soon I couldn't and retreated to my bedroom for the night. I called one of my best friends and cried and cried until I couldn't breathe anymore. She said some amazing things to me that, if I were truly listening, would have prevented the hell that was about to ensue in my life. I hung up the phone, still in hysteria, and knelt as if I were completely okay and ready to pray. Well needless to say the prayer did not happen. I collapsed and felt a pain in my chest that was overwhelming and stopped me dead in my tracks.
I grabbed my chest and cried as I gasped for air. Was I overreacting? Was it a wake up call? I tried to call for help but the words wouldn't come. I called my mom and she came up in a panic. The pain would not go away and this feeling made me panic even more! My mom rushed me to the Emergency Room and we were seen by the doctor and I was stabilized in due time. Granted it was only in small part because of the Ativan I was given and mostly because of my AMAZING mother and sister.
They helped me realize that at some point I have to decide that I, Taylor Knuth, am important. Even though the actions and day-to-day activities I do are important, at some point I have to say "OK! It is Taylor that matters more!" While this all sounds like of selfish, it really is true. Without ME there is no ME! Crazy right?
I know that I do NOT have it all together. And this past experience has been the worst moment of my short life. But I never want to feel that again. I suffered from a major anxiety attack and it will be something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. But I can control where I put ME in my list of priorities.
And until I get better
Me is #1
Thank you to my Mother, Grandma, Sisters, and my amazing BEST friends Austin and Lisha I am who I am because of YOU!
-TK
