Last night I realized how amazingly blessed I have been! God sends me just the people I need at just the right time and keeps the people I need right there with me!
I would first off like to say how much I appreciate and love my best friend Austin Hull. No matter what he is always there for me and will do absolutely anything for me! He honestly is the most loving and caring person I know and I wouldn't be who I am without him.
Lisha Michel is my rock. She will always make me laugh and cry all at the same time! She is so beautiful and talented to boot and without her my life would be boring and empty. I have never known someone who is so strong and caring. I love her with all my heart.
Kelcee ToynE is always the person in my life that I can just laugh and laugh and laugh with. She and I are partners in crime and will ALWAYS be friends:) I love our special talks that we cry and share our deepest thoughts and just be ourselves.. I love that douche;)
Often as humans we look measure our worth with money or material things. More and more lately I find myself measuring my worth with the goals I accomplish or what I do best. ME ME ME! WHY???
I thought to myself today, as I contemplate the amazing new friends I have made, why not measure my worth with the amazing people I surround myself with daily?
Now I just want to thank these people who I have met and have made a big impact on me lately, all of which have blessed my life and taught me a valuable lesson in the little time we have talked.
Jessica Jenkins
Jamie Sanduk
Shelby Andersen
Scott Maruri
Andrea (Deedee) Riches
Holly Jo Samuelson
Matt Dickamore
Tanner Rampton
Hunter Hogkinson
Sarah Nielson
Ovuoba Sister's:)
Krista Davies
AND
SO MANY MORE!!
Oh my goodness.. I am just so blessed
enough said. I love you all and I am so excited to see what happens in the future and how amazing you all are!!
Till next time.
-Tay
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Lucky
As my first show I have ever "Assistant Stage Managed" comes to a close I can't help but think about two things.
One: Would my Grandma Sandy be proud of the person I have become?
and Two: Am I proud of the person I have become.
I really have never been completely open about my personal life with people I don't know and it takes a lot for me to open up about the sensitive topics in my personal life. I have grown up and realize now that just because something bad happens to you it does not mean by any means that it defines you.
When I was 13 years old at the beginning of what I would come remember as the BEST and the WORST summer of my life, I received news that no teenagers is ready for...
"Your grandma has cancer."
These four words will forever be engraved in my memory.
The summer was filled with weekly, sometimes more than once, visits down to Springville, Utah. As the months of consistent radiation and chemotherapy went on I watched my biggest fan and hero of the world wilt before my very own eyes.
terrible.
The months seemed to go by too quickly and pretty soon Christmas was knocking on the front door. We got to spend it with our loving grandma.
Late night movies, good home cooking, and sharing old memories would follow that memorable Christmas but nothing seemed the same.
The cancer had spread to the brain and my grandma was gone...
The last time I saw and talked to my grandma I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and always will. She told me she loved me and she always will.
Always will.
I left my grandma on a cold January night
and she left this beautiful Earth on a beautiful January morning, the morning of my 14th birthday.
I heard the news while at school.
How could this be happening to me on MY day I kept thinking to myself that day..
Looking back now I realize she really meant that statement.. Always will.
Sometimes I feel her.. Sometimes I hear her voice.. but sometimes.. maybe just once I want to see her.
So I guess my question is
Is she proud of me?
Tonight I spent an amazing night listening to the amazingly talented cast of Centerpoint Legacy Theaters' Civil War.
wow.
I realized how LUCKY I am to be SURROUNDED by such love and talent!
I sang and for the first time since my Grandmas passing I saw her. Not in a picture or even "ghostly form"
but I closed my eyes at the end of the song and saw her clear as day..
Out of nowhere there she was and she whispered.. "you make me proud."
Now I know many people won't believe this but I felt this. I felt her.
And now I know the answer to my question.
I DO make her proud.
And
I make myself proud.
till next time.
-Tay
One: Would my Grandma Sandy be proud of the person I have become?
and Two: Am I proud of the person I have become.
I really have never been completely open about my personal life with people I don't know and it takes a lot for me to open up about the sensitive topics in my personal life. I have grown up and realize now that just because something bad happens to you it does not mean by any means that it defines you.
When I was 13 years old at the beginning of what I would come remember as the BEST and the WORST summer of my life, I received news that no teenagers is ready for...
"Your grandma has cancer."
These four words will forever be engraved in my memory.
The summer was filled with weekly, sometimes more than once, visits down to Springville, Utah. As the months of consistent radiation and chemotherapy went on I watched my biggest fan and hero of the world wilt before my very own eyes.
The months seemed to go by too quickly and pretty soon Christmas was knocking on the front door. We got to spend it with our loving grandma.
Late night movies, good home cooking, and sharing old memories would follow that memorable Christmas but nothing seemed the same.
The cancer had spread to the brain and my grandma was gone...
The last time I saw and talked to my grandma I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and always will. She told me she loved me and she always will.
Always will.
I left my grandma on a cold January night
and she left this beautiful Earth on a beautiful January morning, the morning of my 14th birthday.
I heard the news while at school.
How could this be happening to me on MY day I kept thinking to myself that day..
Looking back now I realize she really meant that statement.. Always will.
Sometimes I feel her.. Sometimes I hear her voice.. but sometimes.. maybe just once I want to see her.
So I guess my question is
Is she proud of me?
Tonight I spent an amazing night listening to the amazingly talented cast of Centerpoint Legacy Theaters' Civil War.
wow.
I realized how LUCKY I am to be SURROUNDED by such love and talent!
I sang and for the first time since my Grandmas passing I saw her. Not in a picture or even "ghostly form"
but I closed my eyes at the end of the song and saw her clear as day..
Out of nowhere there she was and she whispered.. "you make me proud."
Now I know many people won't believe this but I felt this. I felt her.
And now I know the answer to my question.
I DO make her proud.
And
I make myself proud.
till next time.
-Tay
Monday, July 4, 2011
Cancer
So tonight I did a CLEAN HOUSE of my past.. With this clean house, I DELETED the old "Myspace" I found this in my old blog. Enjoy..
A Story of Perspective and a Conflict with Cancer
Grandma Sandy Speaks
I led a simple life, a good life. I dedicated my life to raising my four beautiful children. I was happy, healthy, and loved living life to the fullest. My heart was full of love to share with the world. Summer was approaching quickly, which meant long days under the wonderful sun. Family get togethers, reading my favorite books, and the expected tan lines were within my fingers reach.
I remember feeling like I was coming down with something. Prior to the warm weather I was getting headaches and becoming very tired. I thought nothing of it. I was old right? Isn't that what older people undergo? In my mind I kept telling myself I was just tired, it was old age creeping up on me after sixty six years on this earth.
"Cancer?" I repeated to the man staring back at me in the dull hospital room. "Yes Sandra, cancer." was all I heard the man say. The room consisted of four white walls and an obnoxious clock. "Tick. Tick. Tick" I could feel my heart beating in my chest almost synchronized with the ticking of the clock. The Florescent hospital lights were bothering my eyes and created a buzzing sound effect that almost felt like it was mocking the news that I had just been dealt. This place I would come to hate.
My first challenge as a cancer patient was the phone call to my loved ones.
"Ring, Ring." was echoing in my ear until the familiar sound of my sons voice picked up. "I am sick, I have cancer." It just exploded from my lips. I didn't know any other way to go about it. The conversation held still for what seemed like forever. I left the conversation with the sound of crying on the other line.
My worst day during the seven months I fought cancer was the day I lost my hair. I was just getting back from a doctors appointment when I noticed it had begun. My hair was falling out in big clumps. I moved my hand over the newly formed bald spot that was on the side of my head. I walked into the nearby bathroom to check out the damage. I couldn't draw my eyes away from my own reflection. It wasn't about the fact I might look funny bald, this just represented something so much more. It represented the fact that things would never again be the same.
My best day was the same as my worst. After what seemed like hours of staring at my reflection and being down on myself, I called my family. My daughter in law and my four grandchildren came to my rescue. As Jennifer pulled out her razor the kids watched in awe. I thought to myself what are they going to think of having a bald grandma. Thoughts raced through my head as I watched the remaining of my hair fall in pieces to the floor. I waited for everyone's reaction in anticipation. Everyone tried to keep a straight face, what were they up to, I thought to myself. This time as I entered the bathroom to look once again into my dreadful friend the mirror, I was shocked. There staring back at me was a reflection of a grandma with a bright red Mohawk. Was I supposed to be upset? I wasn't quite sure how to react, until I walked into the living room where everyone was waiting. "You're the coolest grandma in the entire universe." Cassandra said from across the room. With that everyone burst out in laughter. We rolled around holding our bellies with joy. I took in every moment of that day, my new hairdo and my new look of someone fighting to take her life back. I wanted to use this new energy to rip it away from cancers tightly closed fist. I also took in the smiles on my grandchildren's face, the sound of laughter that filled every room of the house, and the look in little Cassandra's eyes as she talked about me, the coolest grandma in the universe.
Samantha Speaks
"You look beautiful" my mom said to me as I slipped my graduation gown over my newly ironed white dress. I was putting the finishing touches on, the shoes, the earrings, and my graduation cap. I was so excited; high school was finally coming to an end, which meant the start of something new.
I remember feeling selfish when I first found out the news. It was the day of my graduation and I couldn't comprehend why my grandma didn't want to come and see me get my diploma and walk with my class. My mom had explained she wasn't coming because she felt tired and didn't want to make the drive. I didn't understand at all, this was my day. Right? What I didn't know at the time was my grandma was sick with cancer and wanted to be there so badly but couldn't. After a night of celebration I was told the truth about my grandmas absence.
As I lay there in my bed after my graduation, I drifted off into a past memory of my grandma. It was a warm summer day. I was staying overnight at my grandmas house. As I awoke that morning, the air was filled with the smell of fresh bread. This could only mean one thing, grandma's famous cinnamon and sugar toast. I heard the sounds of running water, the creeks of the old house as her feet moved about, the sounds of summer peeking in through the open windows, and the pop of the old toaster. "Samantha, wake up." my grandmother called from the kitchen. It was time to entangle myself from my grandma's warm sheets. I flew into the kitchen, wearing my grandma's silky leopard print pajamas, like my feet were made of air. There awaited me my favorite things in the world, my grandma and her cinnamon and sugar toast.
The next seven months I got to spend with my grandma Sandy would go by too quickly. Although there were many bad days with her, there were also good and with those good came some of the best memories I ever got from my grandma. The last time I saw her alive was one memory I will never forget. It was towards the end for her and you couldn't make sense of almost anything she said. She slept most of the time. By this stage of the cancer it took over her whole body. My brother, sisters and I laid with her in the living room as she slept. This feeling overcame me and I knew this would be the last time. We all laid there grasping different parts of her body and clothes. I had her hands. Her hands were my favorite part of her. They were very soft for being so aged and always smelt of Jergens lotion. She had a way of putting them on you that made you feel the love of a caring grandmother. When it was time to leave I prayed she would wake up and be normal long enough to say goodbye. I knew this was my only chance. "It's time to go." My mother kept repeating. I couldn't get the words to escape my lips to warn everyone this was the last time. I just knew it. Then my prayers were answered. My grandma opened her eyes. She went through every person in the room and said something. She kept saying she loved us. This was the first time I'd heard these words in quite awhile, because of the effects cancer had on her. When she got through everyone, it was my turn last. I remember her focusing her eyes right on me. I started crying. I wanted to scream to her this wasn't fair I didn't want her to go. She looked right at me and called me a cry baby. Huh? I stared in shock. Was this the sentence that I would remember forever? Then she spoke again, "Yes you are, but you're my crybaby. Always, always, I love you." I gripped her hands more tightly, gave her a kiss, and she drifted off to sleep again.
Cancer Speaks
I am cancer. I, in many eyes am your worst nightmare. I started in Sandra's body in her lungs. It didn't take me too much time at all to make my way all the way from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. It was an easy journey through her body. Sandra was a lot stronger than many I've ever dealt with. Although I was spread everywhere and there was no hope, she still fought up until the very end. They tried to get rid of me, but I persisted. I watched along with her loved ones as her body deteriorated. On a cold January morning I took her life.
God Speaks
"Welcome home Sandra…"
**This sorry was originally an assignment my older sister had to do, just a simple short story, but this one really hits home for me and I hope it does for any of you that have lost a loved one to cancer. just write it down if you ever feel any pain. it works. My sister is a very talented writer and i admire her.
Till next time.
Taylor
A Story of Perspective and a Conflict with Cancer
Grandma Sandy Speaks
I led a simple life, a good life. I dedicated my life to raising my four beautiful children. I was happy, healthy, and loved living life to the fullest. My heart was full of love to share with the world. Summer was approaching quickly, which meant long days under the wonderful sun. Family get togethers, reading my favorite books, and the expected tan lines were within my fingers reach.
I remember feeling like I was coming down with something. Prior to the warm weather I was getting headaches and becoming very tired. I thought nothing of it. I was old right? Isn't that what older people undergo? In my mind I kept telling myself I was just tired, it was old age creeping up on me after sixty six years on this earth.
"Cancer?" I repeated to the man staring back at me in the dull hospital room. "Yes Sandra, cancer." was all I heard the man say. The room consisted of four white walls and an obnoxious clock. "Tick. Tick. Tick" I could feel my heart beating in my chest almost synchronized with the ticking of the clock. The Florescent hospital lights were bothering my eyes and created a buzzing sound effect that almost felt like it was mocking the news that I had just been dealt. This place I would come to hate.
My first challenge as a cancer patient was the phone call to my loved ones.
"Ring, Ring." was echoing in my ear until the familiar sound of my sons voice picked up. "I am sick, I have cancer." It just exploded from my lips. I didn't know any other way to go about it. The conversation held still for what seemed like forever. I left the conversation with the sound of crying on the other line.
My worst day during the seven months I fought cancer was the day I lost my hair. I was just getting back from a doctors appointment when I noticed it had begun. My hair was falling out in big clumps. I moved my hand over the newly formed bald spot that was on the side of my head. I walked into the nearby bathroom to check out the damage. I couldn't draw my eyes away from my own reflection. It wasn't about the fact I might look funny bald, this just represented something so much more. It represented the fact that things would never again be the same.
My best day was the same as my worst. After what seemed like hours of staring at my reflection and being down on myself, I called my family. My daughter in law and my four grandchildren came to my rescue. As Jennifer pulled out her razor the kids watched in awe. I thought to myself what are they going to think of having a bald grandma. Thoughts raced through my head as I watched the remaining of my hair fall in pieces to the floor. I waited for everyone's reaction in anticipation. Everyone tried to keep a straight face, what were they up to, I thought to myself. This time as I entered the bathroom to look once again into my dreadful friend the mirror, I was shocked. There staring back at me was a reflection of a grandma with a bright red Mohawk. Was I supposed to be upset? I wasn't quite sure how to react, until I walked into the living room where everyone was waiting. "You're the coolest grandma in the entire universe." Cassandra said from across the room. With that everyone burst out in laughter. We rolled around holding our bellies with joy. I took in every moment of that day, my new hairdo and my new look of someone fighting to take her life back. I wanted to use this new energy to rip it away from cancers tightly closed fist. I also took in the smiles on my grandchildren's face, the sound of laughter that filled every room of the house, and the look in little Cassandra's eyes as she talked about me, the coolest grandma in the universe.
Samantha Speaks
"You look beautiful" my mom said to me as I slipped my graduation gown over my newly ironed white dress. I was putting the finishing touches on, the shoes, the earrings, and my graduation cap. I was so excited; high school was finally coming to an end, which meant the start of something new.
I remember feeling selfish when I first found out the news. It was the day of my graduation and I couldn't comprehend why my grandma didn't want to come and see me get my diploma and walk with my class. My mom had explained she wasn't coming because she felt tired and didn't want to make the drive. I didn't understand at all, this was my day. Right? What I didn't know at the time was my grandma was sick with cancer and wanted to be there so badly but couldn't. After a night of celebration I was told the truth about my grandmas absence.
As I lay there in my bed after my graduation, I drifted off into a past memory of my grandma. It was a warm summer day. I was staying overnight at my grandmas house. As I awoke that morning, the air was filled with the smell of fresh bread. This could only mean one thing, grandma's famous cinnamon and sugar toast. I heard the sounds of running water, the creeks of the old house as her feet moved about, the sounds of summer peeking in through the open windows, and the pop of the old toaster. "Samantha, wake up." my grandmother called from the kitchen. It was time to entangle myself from my grandma's warm sheets. I flew into the kitchen, wearing my grandma's silky leopard print pajamas, like my feet were made of air. There awaited me my favorite things in the world, my grandma and her cinnamon and sugar toast.
The next seven months I got to spend with my grandma Sandy would go by too quickly. Although there were many bad days with her, there were also good and with those good came some of the best memories I ever got from my grandma. The last time I saw her alive was one memory I will never forget. It was towards the end for her and you couldn't make sense of almost anything she said. She slept most of the time. By this stage of the cancer it took over her whole body. My brother, sisters and I laid with her in the living room as she slept. This feeling overcame me and I knew this would be the last time. We all laid there grasping different parts of her body and clothes. I had her hands. Her hands were my favorite part of her. They were very soft for being so aged and always smelt of Jergens lotion. She had a way of putting them on you that made you feel the love of a caring grandmother. When it was time to leave I prayed she would wake up and be normal long enough to say goodbye. I knew this was my only chance. "It's time to go." My mother kept repeating. I couldn't get the words to escape my lips to warn everyone this was the last time. I just knew it. Then my prayers were answered. My grandma opened her eyes. She went through every person in the room and said something. She kept saying she loved us. This was the first time I'd heard these words in quite awhile, because of the effects cancer had on her. When she got through everyone, it was my turn last. I remember her focusing her eyes right on me. I started crying. I wanted to scream to her this wasn't fair I didn't want her to go. She looked right at me and called me a cry baby. Huh? I stared in shock. Was this the sentence that I would remember forever? Then she spoke again, "Yes you are, but you're my crybaby. Always, always, I love you." I gripped her hands more tightly, gave her a kiss, and she drifted off to sleep again.
Cancer Speaks
I am cancer. I, in many eyes am your worst nightmare. I started in Sandra's body in her lungs. It didn't take me too much time at all to make my way all the way from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. It was an easy journey through her body. Sandra was a lot stronger than many I've ever dealt with. Although I was spread everywhere and there was no hope, she still fought up until the very end. They tried to get rid of me, but I persisted. I watched along with her loved ones as her body deteriorated. On a cold January morning I took her life.
God Speaks
"Welcome home Sandra…"
**This sorry was originally an assignment my older sister had to do, just a simple short story, but this one really hits home for me and I hope it does for any of you that have lost a loved one to cancer. just write it down if you ever feel any pain. it works. My sister is a very talented writer and i admire her.
Till next time.
Taylor
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