Cancer

So tonight I did a CLEAN HOUSE of my past.. With this clean house, I DELETED the old "Myspace" I found this in my old blog. Enjoy..

A Story of Perspective and a Conflict with Cancer

Grandma Sandy Speaks

I led a simple life, a good life. I dedicated my life to raising my four beautiful children. I was happy, healthy, and loved living life to the fullest. My heart was full of love to share with the world. Summer was approaching quickly, which meant long days under the wonderful sun. Family get togethers, reading my favorite books, and the expected tan lines were within my fingers reach.

I remember feeling like I was coming down with something. Prior to the warm weather I was getting headaches and becoming very tired. I thought nothing of it. I was old right? Isn't that what older people undergo? In my mind I kept telling myself I was just tired, it was old age creeping up on me after sixty six years on this earth.

"Cancer?" I repeated to the man staring back at me in the dull hospital room. "Yes Sandra, cancer." was all I heard the man say. The room consisted of four white walls and an obnoxious clock. "Tick. Tick. Tick" I could feel my heart beating in my chest almost synchronized with the ticking of the clock. The Florescent hospital lights were bothering my eyes and created a buzzing sound effect that almost felt like it was mocking the news that I had just been dealt. This place I would come to hate.

My first challenge as a cancer patient was the phone call to my loved ones.

"Ring, Ring." was echoing in my ear until the familiar sound of my sons voice picked up. "I am sick, I have cancer." It just exploded from my lips. I didn't know any other way to go about it. The conversation held still for what seemed like forever. I left the conversation with the sound of crying on the other line.

My worst day during the seven months I fought cancer was the day I lost my hair. I was just getting back from a doctors appointment when I noticed it had begun. My hair was falling out in big clumps. I moved my hand over the newly formed bald spot that was on the side of my head. I walked into the nearby bathroom to check out the damage. I couldn't draw my eyes away from my own reflection. It wasn't about the fact I might look funny bald, this just represented something so much more. It represented the fact that things would never again be the same.

My best day was the same as my worst. After what seemed like hours of staring at my reflection and being down on myself, I called my family. My daughter in law and my four grandchildren came to my rescue. As Jennifer pulled out her razor the kids watched in awe. I thought to myself what are they going to think of having a bald grandma. Thoughts raced through my head as I watched the remaining of my hair fall in pieces to the floor. I waited for everyone's reaction in anticipation. Everyone tried to keep a straight face, what were they up to, I thought to myself. This time as I entered the bathroom to look once again into my dreadful friend the mirror, I was shocked. There staring back at me was a reflection of a grandma with a bright red Mohawk. Was I supposed to be upset? I wasn't quite sure how to react, until I walked into the living room where everyone was waiting. "You're the coolest grandma in the entire universe." Cassandra said from across the room. With that everyone burst out in laughter. We rolled around holding our bellies with joy. I took in every moment of that day, my new hairdo and my new look of someone fighting to take her life back. I wanted to use this new energy to rip it away from cancers tightly closed fist. I also took in the smiles on my grandchildren's face, the sound of laughter that filled every room of the house, and the look in little Cassandra's eyes as she talked about me, the coolest grandma in the universe.

Samantha Speaks

"You look beautiful" my mom said to me as I slipped my graduation gown over my newly ironed white dress. I was putting the finishing touches on, the shoes, the earrings, and my graduation cap. I was so excited; high school was finally coming to an end, which meant the start of something new.

I remember feeling selfish when I first found out the news. It was the day of my graduation and I couldn't comprehend why my grandma didn't want to come and see me get my diploma and walk with my class. My mom had explained she wasn't coming because she felt tired and didn't want to make the drive. I didn't understand at all, this was my day. Right? What I didn't know at the time was my grandma was sick with cancer and wanted to be there so badly but couldn't. After a night of celebration I was told the truth about my grandmas absence.

As I lay there in my bed after my graduation, I drifted off into a past memory of my grandma. It was a warm summer day. I was staying overnight at my grandmas house. As I awoke that morning, the air was filled with the smell of fresh bread. This could only mean one thing, grandma's famous cinnamon and sugar toast. I heard the sounds of running water, the creeks of the old house as her feet moved about, the sounds of summer peeking in through the open windows, and the pop of the old toaster. "Samantha, wake up." my grandmother called from the kitchen. It was time to entangle myself from my grandma's warm sheets. I flew into the kitchen, wearing my grandma's silky leopard print pajamas, like my feet were made of air. There awaited me my favorite things in the world, my grandma and her cinnamon and sugar toast.

The next seven months I got to spend with my grandma Sandy would go by too quickly. Although there were many bad days with her, there were also good and with those good came some of the best memories I ever got from my grandma. The last time I saw her alive was one memory I will never forget. It was towards the end for her and you couldn't make sense of almost anything she said. She slept most of the time. By this stage of the cancer it took over her whole body. My brother, sisters and I laid with her in the living room as she slept. This feeling overcame me and I knew this would be the last time. We all laid there grasping different parts of her body and clothes. I had her hands. Her hands were my favorite part of her. They were very soft for being so aged and always smelt of Jergens lotion. She had a way of putting them on you that made you feel the love of a caring grandmother. When it was time to leave I prayed she would wake up and be normal long enough to say goodbye. I knew this was my only chance. "It's time to go." My mother kept repeating. I couldn't get the words to escape my lips to warn everyone this was the last time. I just knew it. Then my prayers were answered. My grandma opened her eyes. She went through every person in the room and said something. She kept saying she loved us. This was the first time I'd heard these words in quite awhile, because of the effects cancer had on her. When she got through everyone, it was my turn last. I remember her focusing her eyes right on me. I started crying. I wanted to scream to her this wasn't fair I didn't want her to go. She looked right at me and called me a cry baby. Huh? I stared in shock. Was this the sentence that I would remember forever? Then she spoke again, "Yes you are, but you're my crybaby. Always, always, I love you." I gripped her hands more tightly, gave her a kiss, and she drifted off to sleep again.

Cancer Speaks

I am cancer. I, in many eyes am your worst nightmare. I started in Sandra's body in her lungs. It didn't take me too much time at all to make my way all the way from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. It was an easy journey through her body. Sandra was a lot stronger than many I've ever dealt with. Although I was spread everywhere and there was no hope, she still fought up until the very end. They tried to get rid of me, but I persisted. I watched along with her loved ones as her body deteriorated. On a cold January morning I took her life.

God Speaks

"Welcome home Sandra…"



**This sorry was originally an assignment my older sister had to do, just a simple short story, but this one really hits home for me and I hope it does for any of you that have lost a loved one to cancer. just write it down if you ever feel any pain. it works. My sister is a very talented writer and i admire her.
Till next time.
Taylor