I love life! It is perfect. I love JingleJacks. I love voice lessons. I love Stage Managing. I love my job. I love going to school for what I love. I love my new brother-in-law. I love my incredible boyfriend. I love my mom. I love my grandma. I love my sisters. I love acting. I love singing. I love dancing. I love late night movies. I love cuddling. I love talking. I love listening to music. I love screaming. I love whispering. I love my desk. I love my office. I love christmas. I love christmas lights. I love New York. I love Disneyland. I love my future mother-in-law. I love my future family. I love keys. I love pianos. I love noise. I love dogs. I love stuffed animals. I love coffee. I love Cafe Rio. I love the Welch's. I love the Larson's. I love pictures. I love LGBTQ. I love fundraisers. I love Theatre Juries. I love auditions. I love waiting. I love listening. I love, love. I love Camelback water bottles. I love home-made crafts. I love decorations. I love stages. I love curtains. I love lights. I love microphones. I love power tools. I love organization. I love my cousins. I love the sun. I love the snow. I love promises. I love life. It is perfect. Be grateful.

The Cradle WILL Rock!!

Associated Actors and Technicians or AAT if you will is a student sponsored organization at Weber State University that operates through the Department of Performing Arts. This semester AAT will be producing (in part with the Department of Performing Arts) The Cradle Will Rock, A Plat in Music by Marc Blitzstein.
The Cradle Will Rock is the story of 26 characters in Steel Town USA. It is a 1930's political satire concerning, mainly, Unions for steel workers. It involves a lot of hot topics, such as; prostitution, unions, protesting, and money-crazed men.
With some clever cast-doubling our amazingly-talented director, Trent Cox, synthesized 15 brilliant Weber State students from the Department of Performing Arts to be the vehicle for these characters to come to life.
Tonight we had a rehearsal to present a thing called "Source Work." For those unfamiliar with source work, don't feel bad! I didn't know what it was till this past semester. Source work is an object or pictures or really anything that reminds or represents the show at hand. In our case, The Cradle Will Rock. The Source Work rehearsal was great. From pictures to purses, and power points to helmets. All different reminders of why we have gathered to put on this production. For me it reminded me of why I do theatre.
In a conference about two-three years ago I heard a quote from Anne Bogart. She said "I do theatre because real life is unacceptable." It sounds a little morbid and odd but for me I totally agree. When life is getting me down and I need a release, I sing. Life CAN be unacceptable. We as a society use this "escapism" as a way to get away from our 9-to-5 jobs, church responsibilities, and sometimes even our kids. For me this escapism is art; theatre primarily.
How lucky am I that I get up and get to study in all its entirety, theatre?
Tonight's rehearsal reminded me of that.
Recently I have started to shift my focus a little. I am working on me solely. I started with my beliefs system. I am LDS but I was not acting like or upon it. I believe so why wasn't I believING? So THAT was my first priority and it remains and will remain number one.
Next I am working on financially securing my future. Saving more and spending less. Not gonna lie, I do not understand the value of a dollar. For real. This one is hard. I am working on it though. It will get better. That's all that matters.
Finally I am working on just dating and having fun with my friends. I am a totally lovable person! Why have I not been sharing this??? Oh well, who knows why. From now on; it's nothing but up.
till next time.
-tay

Somebody to LOVE me WOES!

I just wanna be loved. I want to be the guy some great girl goes to for everything. I have amazing friends.
Austin Hull
Kelcee Toyn
Sean Bishop
Shelby Andersen
and so many more.
Thoughts are spewing out right now. I love my friends. They help get me through everything. They are helping me get through this.
I love my religion. I love my family.
I believe 12934% in my religion. I honestly do. I have had experiences that make me cry just thinking about them. How come there are people out there who want nothing more than to destroy my religion?
WARNING>> Sensitive subject about to be talked about.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints and I do NOT think that being gay is a trial.
This is my blog and therefor I will say what I want. If you don't like it; stop reading. Here's my story.
About eight months ago I was extremely "active" (I hate that word in context with the church)in my church. I was on the road to getting a temple recommend and I truly wanted to serve a full-time LDS mission.
Just to make clear with everyone reading I am not gay. I am naive and a bit socially awkward in certain situations but I truly am a very intellectual human being. One night I came home after talking about this socially sensitive subject with a close friend. I think this moment was the first time I look at this subject seriously. I mean my best friend from High School came out and I interacted with a couple "gays" in classes, but never really did I care really.
My life is theatre in all its' entirety. Theatre, as most of us know, is full of all types of people but is known for having the majority of these people being gay. Up until eight months ago this fact really hadn't hit me in the face.
Well it did on this night. My world of theatre and my life in my religion didn't agree with each other. How come?
I went up to my bedroom at home and I just sat on my floor and cried. Soon this crying turned into a full on anxiety attack and I physically stopped breathing. I called my beautiful mother and she took me to the doctors, where I received oxygen and some anxiety medication. My oldest sister Sam asked me what is wrong and I finally just said "I don't see how a God who is so loving is going to send people to hell for being gay."
REMEMBER>> You are free to stop reading at any time..
My sister Sam then brought up my Grandma Sandy who had passed away. She asked if I thought my grandma would think the same as I did and I knew she wouldn't. One thing I always remembered, in fact, was that she accepted everyone. And so in that moment I made a decision to always accept and love everyone.
It started to become harder and harder to attend church. I felt (and still kinda do) jaded and hurt being rejected from Young Ambassadors, MDT, Theatre Major, and the University entirely at BYU. Soon I decided to not go on a mission and instead focus entirely on school.
Here I am now. I went to church last Sunday for the first time since that day. I felt so much peace and love. I plan on auditioning for YA again. I plan on reevaluating a Mission when I feel I am READY and WANTING to go again... This is my time to focus on me and me alone. Doing the things that make me happy, being with the friends that make me happy and continuing to accept and love everyone who comes around WHILE making the amazing church I belong to a priority. I know I can do this.
I do not claim to know everything in my religion, but I do know that I can find balance. One day my two worlds can live in Harmony.. I do have faith in that. I have faith that I will find the woman of my dreams. I have faith in my family. I have faith in my friends. But most importantly, I have faith in me.
Step one. tell myself I am a totally lovable person EVERY Day.
Step two. Put myself out there and find opportunities to find someone. They will come along.

tay-time=okay-time

I have been having a rough time this past week. I haven't been sad or even gloomy, I have just been going with the flow. Last night I felt so sad for some reason and when my friend asked me why I was sad, I couldn't tell her because I just didn't know!
I went home to an empty house. Upon getting home I realized that besides sleeping, this was the first time since I have moved out that I had been completely PHYSICALLY alone.
I hated it.
I just went and laid down and hated that I was hating RELAXING! I called my mommy at 10:45 PM and, of course, she was asleep. We had a casual conversation for about 10 minutes and I just started to cry out of no where and I said "I feel like you guys (my family) don't need me anymore."
Was that true?
To some degree it was but for the most part it was me saying that I feel alone both PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY.
I have this weird thing where I have always needed to feel NEEDED. I know that I do it because one of my favorite Junior High teachers pointed it out within the first semester of my 7th grade year. Beyond feeling needed, for some reason I am driven to always be the best.
-Be the best Son, Taylor.
-Be the best Brother, Taylor.
-Be the best Friend, Taylor.
-Be the best Singer, Taylor.
-Be the best Dancer, Taylor.
-Be the best Actor, Taylor.
-Be the best Employee, Taylor.
-Be the best Student, Taylor.
-Be the best Role Model, Taylor.
-Be the best TAYLOR, Taylor.
REALLY! I am an over-achiever to the extreme and I put way too much on my plate.

slow down.

In this viscous cycle of trying to always be the best for everyone and at everything I have dropped all the roles I have for that day or two of trying to best another. Catch 22? I think so.
My Mom really called me out on this. I never realized how bad I was at "Besting" everyone and everything. She didn't put me down or tell me that I am not the best but rather, (like a good mother should do) tell me I have done amazing things and I am able to be the BEST at all those things but it's all about balance. So this whole time while I have been trying to be the best EVERYTHING I have been the worst TAYLOR.
this makes me sad.
I have always been good with words and structuring stories. When I write a blog, often it is just lip service for the reader. I can say how much this certain blog is going to change my life but often I forget about it and go on with my life. This time I am changing.
-No more overwhelming myself.
-No more letting people I love down.
And most importantly,
-No more "Besting" Taylor.

I need to be okay with being alone and trusting myself to have control and to live, because if I don't I am going to "self-destruct." (like my mom always says)
till next time.

-tay

hustle and bustle

Sometimes in life we get so caught up in all of the "hustle and bustle" of the world.
I am probably the number one offender of this.
I get so caught up in LIFE that I sometimes forget that I have one.
I am like a zombie, going through life on "auto-pilot."
I forget about family, friends, school, and even me sometimes.
My goal is to not get caught up in all that stuff.
Spend more time with my family.
Tell them I love them more often than once a week.
Show my friends how much I love and appreciate them.
Make school a HEALTHY priority.
Make me a priority.
till next time
-tay

It's okay

Sometimes life just sucks, ya know.
Lately I have wanted to feel loved. Loved in more than just a casual friend.
It's okay to feel this way especially when I am at an age where finding a woman to love and to love me is so important.
I am driven by emotions probably, 98% of the time. I am stubborn and rude but most of the time, I am understanding and kind. The person I choose to love needs to love me 100% of the times regardless of the faults I posses.
It's okay to feel ugly some days.
It's okay to want someone to love some days.
It's okay to be down some days.
It's okay to want to sleep all day, some days.
It's okay to be blue some days.
But what is not okay is when you let those "some days" turn into "every days."
Remember the friends you have, and the light and love you bring to those friends.
Don't loose who you are because of the emotion choosing to rule your day.
Be sad sometimes. IT'S OKAY!
But never loose who you are. I constantly have to remind myself
"people DO love me."
I love you.
till next time
-tay

Be true to who you are

Yesterday in Voice and Movement Tracy asked us all "Why do you want to be an actor?"
Sitting here in the Union Building on campus listening to Sean Bishop sing a song I have never heard before I finally realize why I want to "be an actor."
It's who I am.
It's what I breathe every day.
It's how I view the World through my eyes.
It's what I hear and smell and feel as I go through the motions of my day.
I am being true to who I am.
When I try and I "FAIL" ...

What is failing?
It is just another opportunity to learn.
Learn How to be true to who I am.
Thank you to all the amazing and talented people I get to see and hear and laugh with every day.
I have a great family, great friends and more importantly; I am true to who I am.
An Actor, A Singer, A Son, A Friend, A Brother, A Grandson, A Student, and of course, Me:)
till next time preform
-tay