As I performed tonight a thought came to my head that I just couldn't get to go away...
What is it that keeps ME moving forward?
Really?
I had a really rough night last week when I received an email from the MDT program at BYU. This program is awesome. It is the Musical Dance Theatre program and it kicks trash. In the email it simply stated that "We are not able to offer you a position in our MDT program at this time." ...... Sucks, yes I know this. I litterally was IN SHOCK. I had no idea what I was doing. So, like in anytime of crisis, I shut down. Was I not good enough for MDT at BYU? Did I offend someone? Was I not worthy enough to go there? Well, needless to say I let that COMPLETELY ruin my day. I went to my performance of Hairspray and came home. I walked in to my room after hugging my mother, closed the door and said outloud, "What do I do now?" Then I hit the floor in tears, AND PRAYED. This was probably the single longest prayer of my life. I asked for comfort and understanding. I felt as if my whole world was coming down at once and I could do nothing about it. I prayed for my Mom, my Dad, Grandma, sisters, best friends, the world; but the funny thing about it was is that the whole time during that prayer I expected that when I said "Amen" that it would all go away.
Do you think it did?
Nope.
I still felt like crap. So like always I pulled out my gospel library ap on my phone and I read the single verse scripture that was the first scripture I read after I got home from YASE. After reading that single verse I kept reading.... and reading... and reading and again the whole time I expected that when I put down the phone and closed my eyes that it would all go away.
Do you think it did?
Nope.
So for a moment I turned out the lights, turned off the phone and T.V and just sat there.
I thought about BYU and Young Ambassadors.
I thought about MDT.
I thought about my Father.
I thought about how much my Mother loves me and how much she must have been disappointed in me for not making MDT.
I thought about my grandma, and if she even cares about me still enough to watch over me.
I thought about how much I MISS and LOVE my best friends Austin, Lisha and Kelcee.
I thought about the Gospel and how it has blessed my life.
I thought about sin and how it hurts my life.
But most importantly, I thought about me.
Sound conceeded right?
So often we live our life's for other people. I am the number one offender of this. SO in all that hustle and bustle of running an errond for someone or helping them out, I miss out on me. This is self destructive habit number 356 for me.
So in that moment of thought about me, I bowed my head and prayed for an answer. I didn't have a question though. If there was one I think it must have been something like this.
"Father, what have I done that makes ME proud?"
In that instant I got my answer. I looked at my scriptures and I looked at the pictures around my room of close friends and family. Then I thought of how far I have come since sophomore year. Then another thought came to mind and it prompted me to look online to see if Desseret News had posted the Final List for Sterling Scholar over Speech and Drama which I had been interview and auditioned for.
My heart raced as I typed in the search for the website. Well the list was up... as I scrolled down I got to my catagory and sure enough, there I was! THERE! Right in front of me in black and white was what made ME proud! ALL AROUND ME in living color was what made me proud and that night I went to bed a proud individual.
This proud individual knows this is true in his life:
I have an amazing mother who will always be my rock.
My Grandma will always support me and be proud.
My sister, Samantha, is getting married to an amazing man and they both are shining examples of what I want to be like when I am older.
My sister, Cassie, shows me dailey what it means to be strong.
My sister, McKenzie, keeps me grounded and reminds me how important I am to her.
My best friend, Austin, will ALWAYS be there for me through thick and thin!
My best friend, Lisha, will always show me what it means to stand up for what she believes is right.
My best friend, Kelcee, can always make me happy.
The Gospel brings joy, happiness, peace and comfort to my life and the church is true.
Theatre is what I love to do, and no body can take that away from me.
and finally, I am strong.
Till next time,
Tay
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
LIFE
Why do we go through life day to day to day and expect it to be more exciting tomorrow? Don't we create our own path? Don't we CHOOSE to wake up every morning and go to school or work?
An amazing friend and role model of mine told me recently that "Life is about the process, not the immediate product." Before she said this I had been really upset. I was blaming my personal problems on other people and demanding an immediate gratification for the activities which I was participating in. Wouldn't that be nice? If I could just perform a show without a minute of practice, would I do that? I think not. So why at that time did I just want to give up all my hard work and be done with it all?
I have been working my butt of this year. I have spent the majority of my day making myself a better person, actor, friend, son, and brother. However hard that may be I have been persistent and consistent, which I think is the most important thing when striving to achieve a goal.
After my good friend said this to me, it really got me thinking. I could end up in 10 years exactly where I want to be, but if I lie, cheat and steal to get there is that okay? NO! At times it may seem like a goal or place is so far away from what you want and you may think "I just want it now!" Well until you learn that it's about "the process, not the immediate product," you will never be satisfied with the place you are in life.
I just celebrated my 18Th birthday and I learned a very big life lesson. I woke up and went to breakfast, like my family does for every birthday celebration, and I came home and continued on with my day like any other day. It was just like any other day... The whole day I was so upset. I was angry that my best friends couldn't be with me, my mom and grandma had to work, and my sisters were doing their own thing. WAIT! The world doesn't stop for me? That was a hard lesson I feel echoed through my heart and soul. So I got mad at all of the people trying to make me happy on my birthday and threw myself a pity party. Honesty is best right? Well I was not being honest with myself at the time. I was a mess. I miss my grandma. More than any other birthday yet. I couldn't understand why I felt so alone. IT WAS MY OWN FAULT! I was avoiding friends, family and my emotions. Once I made the conscious decision to be happy the day was 3/4 the was over and I was in absolute bliss for the rest of the night!
Yes, it is stupid of me to have wasted that much of a day. After all my feelings of loneliness had subsided I went and performed my show and was so excited to be with my family for dinner after the show. I was ready to go and so I walked in the little theatre to grab my stuff and BAM! The curtain opens and there stood all my loving friends and family shouting surprise and singing Happy Birthday. I WAS SO SURPRISED! I was so happy in that instant of surprise and shock. We spent that night laughing and spending time together and it truly was amazing.
If I could express my love and gratitude for my mom, grandma, sisters, Austin, Kelcee, and productions class; I would. They mean the world to me. I can't believe how blessed I am.
As graduation approaches, I get more and more scared for furthering my education. COllEGE IS SCARY! How do I make my decision? I have an idea of the place I feel I belong to, but what happens when the place I feel I belong to tells me I DON'T BELONG THERE? How can I handle that? I just have to remember..
"Life is about the process, NOT the immediate product"
An amazing friend and role model of mine told me recently that "Life is about the process, not the immediate product." Before she said this I had been really upset. I was blaming my personal problems on other people and demanding an immediate gratification for the activities which I was participating in. Wouldn't that be nice? If I could just perform a show without a minute of practice, would I do that? I think not. So why at that time did I just want to give up all my hard work and be done with it all?
I have been working my butt of this year. I have spent the majority of my day making myself a better person, actor, friend, son, and brother. However hard that may be I have been persistent and consistent, which I think is the most important thing when striving to achieve a goal.
After my good friend said this to me, it really got me thinking. I could end up in 10 years exactly where I want to be, but if I lie, cheat and steal to get there is that okay? NO! At times it may seem like a goal or place is so far away from what you want and you may think "I just want it now!" Well until you learn that it's about "the process, not the immediate product," you will never be satisfied with the place you are in life.
I just celebrated my 18Th birthday and I learned a very big life lesson. I woke up and went to breakfast, like my family does for every birthday celebration, and I came home and continued on with my day like any other day. It was just like any other day... The whole day I was so upset. I was angry that my best friends couldn't be with me, my mom and grandma had to work, and my sisters were doing their own thing. WAIT! The world doesn't stop for me? That was a hard lesson I feel echoed through my heart and soul. So I got mad at all of the people trying to make me happy on my birthday and threw myself a pity party. Honesty is best right? Well I was not being honest with myself at the time. I was a mess. I miss my grandma. More than any other birthday yet. I couldn't understand why I felt so alone. IT WAS MY OWN FAULT! I was avoiding friends, family and my emotions. Once I made the conscious decision to be happy the day was 3/4 the was over and I was in absolute bliss for the rest of the night!
Yes, it is stupid of me to have wasted that much of a day. After all my feelings of loneliness had subsided I went and performed my show and was so excited to be with my family for dinner after the show. I was ready to go and so I walked in the little theatre to grab my stuff and BAM! The curtain opens and there stood all my loving friends and family shouting surprise and singing Happy Birthday. I WAS SO SURPRISED! I was so happy in that instant of surprise and shock. We spent that night laughing and spending time together and it truly was amazing.
If I could express my love and gratitude for my mom, grandma, sisters, Austin, Kelcee, and productions class; I would. They mean the world to me. I can't believe how blessed I am.
As graduation approaches, I get more and more scared for furthering my education. COllEGE IS SCARY! How do I make my decision? I have an idea of the place I feel I belong to, but what happens when the place I feel I belong to tells me I DON'T BELONG THERE? How can I handle that? I just have to remember..
"Life is about the process, NOT the immediate product"
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