Lucky

As my first show I have ever "Assistant Stage Managed" comes to a close I can't help but think about two things.
One: Would my Grandma Sandy be proud of the person I have become?
and Two: Am I proud of the person I have become.

I really have never been completely open about my personal life with people I don't know and it takes a lot for me to open up about the sensitive topics in my personal life. I have grown up and realize now that just because something bad happens to you it does not mean by any means that it defines you.
When I was 13 years old at the beginning of what I would come remember as the BEST and the WORST summer of my life, I received news that no teenagers is ready for...

"Your grandma has cancer."

These four words will forever be engraved in my memory.

The summer was filled with weekly, sometimes more than once, visits down to Springville, Utah. As the months of consistent radiation and chemotherapy went on I watched my biggest fan and hero of the world wilt before my very own eyes.
terrible.
The months seemed to go by too quickly and pretty soon Christmas was knocking on the front door. We got to spend it with our loving grandma.
Late night movies, good home cooking, and sharing old memories would follow that memorable Christmas but nothing seemed the same.
The cancer had spread to the brain and my grandma was gone...

The last time I saw and talked to my grandma I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and always will. She told me she loved me and she always will.

Always will.

I left my grandma on a cold January night

and she left this beautiful Earth on a beautiful January morning, the morning of my 14th birthday.

I heard the news while at school.
How could this be happening to me on MY day I kept thinking to myself that day..
Looking back now I realize she really meant that statement.. Always will.

Sometimes I feel her.. Sometimes I hear her voice.. but sometimes.. maybe just once I want to see her.

So I guess my question is

Is she proud of me?

Tonight I spent an amazing night listening to the amazingly talented cast of Centerpoint Legacy Theaters' Civil War.
wow.
I realized how LUCKY I am to be SURROUNDED by such love and talent!
I sang and for the first time since my Grandmas passing I saw her. Not in a picture or even "ghostly form"
but I closed my eyes at the end of the song and saw her clear as day..
Out of nowhere there she was and she whispered.. "you make me proud."
Now I know many people won't believe this but I felt this. I felt her.
And now I know the answer to my question.

I DO make her proud.

And


I make myself proud.

till next time.
-Tay