I couldn't Be Happier

Because happy is what happens.. when all your dreams come true..

I love that song. For those of you who don't know it's from the All-American Musical "Wicked."
This show was my very first "dip" in the pool of Broadway. While some people discredit "Wicked," I truly appreciate this musical and one of the messages it sends is ringing proud in my life. "Happy is what happens, when your dreams come true"

Right?

In context with the show; it (in my opinion) is total sarcasm.
In context with my life; it (in my opinion) is total sarcasm..
I keep telling myself I am happy, and I have so much to be happy for, but there is just something that is bringing me down the past couple days. Keep Moving Forward.

-As a Freshman at Weber State University, one of the best (if not THE best) Theatre programs in Utah, I got cast in Tracy Callahan's production of -Shakespeare's Classic; Romeo and Juliet. so HONORED!
-I am honored to have an AMAZING voice teacher, Jim Christian.
-I am being taught how to sew and draw by Jean L. England and Catherine Zublin, some of the most amazing designers and artists in costume I have EVER met!
-Financially, for the first time in my life, I am NOT stressed and am doing quite well.
-I have an amazing friend base and I am making friends that I am growing to love and trust (Shelby, Sean, Lauren, and Dallas just to name a few.)


Is it my lack of Family that I feel so down lately?

I

THINK

Y.E.S.

It makes me sad that I can't connect with my little sister, Kenzie, anymore.
It makes me sad that Cassie seems a stranger to me now.
It makes me sad that Samantha and I used to talk about everything and now we only talk about car deals and work.
It makes me sad that my grandma is at home alone sometimes and I want to be there.
It makes me sad that I can't be support for my Dad.
It makes me sad that I don't understand my Mom anymore and she doesn't understand me.. disconnected.
It makes me sad that, as a family, we can't just gather around a couch and pop in a movie.
but most of all;
It makes me sad that I feel U.N.E.E.D.E.D.

I have this weird quality that I have had since Junior High and it stems from performing and Theatre especially. I have to feel like someone needs me! I constantly seek approval from every person I come in contact with and I desire to be liked by all.
With my family, I feel, we are all headed on paths that are different. Sam is married, to a GREAT guy, don't get me wrong. But she is starting her OWN family. Cassie is working and going to school and has a missionary that I know she loves and wants to marry. But she is starting her OWN family. Kenzie is dancing and working and trying to remain a good student. But one day she is going to start her OWN family. I am going to school and pursuing my passion. But one day I am going to start my OWN family.
OWN
OWN
OWN
OWN
OOOOOWWWWWWNNNNN

We shared EVERYTHING growing up. From rooms to bathrooms, from couches to cars. Now we all are starting out OWN paths.

I need to be okay with that.

I need to be okay with that.


Starting something of your own is normal...
trust me I Googled it.
I just need to be okay with that.
What I am not okay with is missing my family.
That's what I need to work on.
Keep Moving Forward.
till next time
-tay